That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
