U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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