I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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