i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
two words: eviction party
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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