He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
