Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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