So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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