Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
