At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
