coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
