Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
