He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
