I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
