We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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