i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
