Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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