She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
