ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
