fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
