I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
