That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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