...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
