So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We need to get me chipped asap
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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