I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
