I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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