Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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