Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
