dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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