So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize