He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
