I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
