Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
