Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will pee on everything he values.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
