Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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