I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
