The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
