flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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