cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i believe in u and ur pee
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