What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
