do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
