i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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