She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
