Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
