Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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