Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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