Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and she was petting her beer can
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
