4 words: hood of his car
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
