i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
