We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
