omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
