She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
