i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
