Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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