Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
