garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
