I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
