So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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