They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
