so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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