I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
