A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
