I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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