I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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