3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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