so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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