why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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