VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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