Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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