It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
