but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
