I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
